Crucial Conversations Every Couple Must Have Before Marriage

You have found your soul mate. Hurray! The man or woman of your dreams. Yay! Your very own knight in shinning armor. You both look forward to the day you would say “I do” but before you head on to the altar to profess your love and exchange your vows, there are some things you need to have a tete- a- tete about. Nothing too serious or tense. Though these are crucial conversations you could have at different times in a light and fun atmosphere, but still important all the same. So, what are some of these crucial conversations you need to have answers to or at least have a hint on what your spouse-to-be’s thoughts are as regards them? How do you both intend to navigate these different areas in ways that will serve your relationship or marriage in the long run?

1. Communication:

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of any healthy marriage. If marriage is the end goal of your relationship, then it is important that you discuss how you both will communicate, take up any challenges you face, and how you can improve on current yourself as you tag along into the future together.

2. Trust and Transparency:

Do you have any concerns? Talk about your trust issues, and how you can build and maintain trust in your relationship. Being transparent about your feelings and actions is key in maintaining a peaceful relationship and home.

3. Intimacy and Connection:

Discuss both your physical and emotional intimacy. Share your desires, boundaries, and ways you would love to enhance your emotional and physical connection together as you plan and progress into your future together.

4. Conflict Resolution:

Address how you will handle disagreements and conflicts way before it happens-because it will. Talk about your individual conflict styles and find common ground on how you plan or intend to approach conflicts together and have them resolved amicably.

5. Emotional Support:

Share your needs for emotional support and validate each other’s feelings. Discuss how you can be there for each other during tough times because there is no perfect marriage and tough times are inevitable as they are a part of the whole journey . However your coming together should help you both during those times, to surmount your challenges together thereby, bringing you both closer together.

6. Life Goals and Aspirations:

Talk about your individual and shared goals, dreams, and aspirations. Ensure that you are on the same page about your future together. No springing surprises. You don’t want to wing this but you would want to ensure you both understand what you both want from this as individuals and as a couple. Is either of you going to give something up for a time or season so the marriage can move forward? What is the time frame for this? Would you both be working? How do you intend to manage if there’s only one source of income without any friction? You might need to adjust or tweak some of these things along the way but you both need to know the basics which would serve as your launching pad or foundation.

7. Financial Matters:

Money can be a significant source of stress in marriage. That’s one basic truth. Discuss your financial goals, spending habits, and how you’ll manage finances together as your lives now merge together as one.

8. Parenting and Family Planning:

If applicable to you, discuss your desires and expectations for having children, as well as your parenting styles and responsibilities. Remember, parenting is not a competition. You both should aim to work together for the betterment of your children and not try to outdo each other to please your children. Also, remember you are the parent when it comes to your kids. Always stand your ground and realize that you are not a bad parent when you say “no” to your child. Say it whenever and as many times you have to without guilt tripping or parental shaming.

9. Individual Growth and Independence:

No spouse should be left behind or even feel left behind. It’s important to support each other’s personal growth and maintain a sense of individuality within the marriage. With all the changes that will take place as you count years, strive to grow together and not apart.

10. Past Hurts and Baggage:

Address any unresolved issues or traumas from your past that may impact your marriage. Seek understanding and support as you both navigate this aspect of your lives. Some are of the opinion that the past should stay in the past and should never be discussed with a to-be-spouse. However, I would say it is better to lay it all out on the table for two reasons: So that the other person can make informed an decision if he or she wants to move forward with you or not and secondly, to avoid any third party surprises or future blackmail that could shake the core of your marriage because of your past.

11. Love Languages:

Understand each other’s love languages and how you can express love and affection in ways that resonate with your partner. Doing this will help your marriage bond and even be more solidified. Love your spouse the way they want to be loved rather than the way you think they should be loved. If you get this right from the start, you have hit a life gem that will keep your marriage fresh and long lasting.

12. Balancing Responsibilities:

This is usually seen as a trivial issue and thus, it is often overlooked. It is however important because it is a sore thumb in some marriages. Discuss how you’ll divide household chores, responsibilities, and roles to ensure a fair and balanced sense of support. Having this crucial conversation and a sense of what this would look like and particularly what each party can handle, would save you a lot of headaches in your marriage.

Take Away

These crucial conversations may look daunting or insurmountable, but you can do it.

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